Cry When It Hurts

2012-02-06T22:23:00.003+08:00

Dear Heaven, we are more than a month into 2012 and more two weeks into the Dragon year. How will this year be like, I don't know. I am still staying positive about this year. I pray that my love will succeed in his business. It's been a while and things are really slow...He's not made much profits so far. Please help him. He's trying very hard, he's putting in a lot of effort, he's serious about it. He needs some luck. Will you give him his big break! 亲爱的生意一直没有起色。。。反而越来越难做。我一直抱着信心，相信他的能力，相信凡是起头难，慢慢的我的亲爱的一定会成功的。当初当他决定做自己的生意时，我心里存有怀疑因为我觉得并没有那么容易。为什么我的爱爱不能好好找份工作呢。。。但我也知道他一旦决定的事，是很难改变想法的。所以我让他去闯，反正现在不做以后就没有机会了。老天爷你帮帮我的爱爱好吗。。。他真的好努力，但他就是少了些运气少了些贵人。他凡进一步就遇到问题让他推三步。。。这样真的好难。不是说今年他的运势很好吗? 怎么一开始就是挫折。。。我也不知道怎样帮她才好。我真的希望他会成功。因为他的理想，我们做人的计划要暂时放一边。。。因为没有稳定的未来。。。说道小孩，我也不敢有太大的希望。虽然现在已想有个小孩 (因为也不年轻了）。。。但我也怕，我不知道我的身体能不能有个健康的孩子。我会担心。。。但我真的很希望能有个健康可爱的小孩，和爱爱组织我们的小家庭。老天。。。你看得到我们吗。你听到我了吗？

A lazy Sunday

2011-10-30T13:20:00.003+08:00

Hey it's been a while since I dropped by... Today's Sunday and I woke up earlier than usual. Well, not that early at 11am but usually I wake up at about 12noon-1pm on Sundays. Quite surprised I woke up earlier as I've been feeling really sleepy all the time. Keep telling myself I must sleep earlier everynight but of course I am not enforcing it. Sigh...Work's been busy the past month. Just when I thought I can have a rest after the big event (last weekend), I get assigned another LAST MINUTE project. We have to create a miracle for an event in 2 weeks. SHIT those people. Why are we always being bullied?! I don't know how I am gonna do it. My manager says she will be helping, but she's going on leave this coming weekend...I think I am gonna die by myself. I am so dreading tomorrow and the next 2 weeks.

No plans for next weekend. No mood now with this last minute shit. And I can't take leave. I'd thought long and hard and almost even booked stuff for the weekend...I didn't want to feel miserable again, or make this insignificance a "habit"every year... but nothing materialised in the end. Last year was quite shitty, being the first official year and we didn't celebrate. Hurhur. Well I guess it won't be much different this year then. And maybe next year we will forget about it all together. Same for the next ten or twenty years maybe. I can't even imagine twenty years later, it seems soooo far aways. Will I even still be alive? Haaaah.

Don't know why I am not rambling as much as I used to. Maybe I've finally learnt that rambling doesn't get me anywhere. Maybe I've become so indifferent to things that I don't complain so much about them anymore. Maybe things have been keeping me busy that I haven't had much time to think/reflect too much about stuff. I am just so tired all the time. I used to have ample thinking time for myself. Now my mind's either thinking about work or else trying to recall small things I need to get done around the home. If not I'll be too tired I'll just be stoning. I used to have time on long bus journeys to think, now I am just eager to get a seat and sleep on the train to work now. Yes I get grumpy if I don't get a seat on the train cos I won't get to sleep for that 30mins of train journey to work. I get grumpy 4 days a week by the way. I propbaly am lucky only once a week. And of that four, I get VERY irritated twice a week with all that smelly people sticking to my skin early in the morning!

Things definitely haven't been perfect. Somehow plans we make will always be thwarted by unexpected happenings in Life. A year ago, I had a plan in mind, a timeline. Now it looks like it will have to change. Things are not going as smoothly as hoped. In fact there's been some obstacles along the way and I don't know how the road on will be like. I've held on to this faith all this while but I don't know how far it will get me, when I can't seem to see the end, the light at the end of the tunnel (oh this sounds so cliche!) Sometimes I get impatient, sometimes I wonder if it's the right thing to do, sometimes I question when/where should the limit be. I don't really know. I am just worried as usual. Which is why I know I have to hold on strongly to my independence, because I can't mess that up or we'll be dead shit. Sigh... SO now my plan is shifting...I hope I don't have to move it too far away...it's not good to move it too far away. t'll come with bad consequences. That's actually another box of worries in itself. It's not so easy like how they make it out to be...Much as I want it I am afraid...I wish I didn't have to worry or be so afraid. For now, I can only make the best preparations for it. Sometimes...I wish Heaven will make the decision for me instead cos I know I will ponder and worry till no end and never make it happen...I guess.

2011-08-31T16:41:00.002+08:00

August has been a terrific month. It's gonna be over in a few hours. I wish I can turn back time to have my holiday all over again :(( Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new month, a new job, a new environment. Please let it be good. Oh it'd better be good or else I don't know how... Bless me.

2011-05-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

WHY IS IT THAT BLOGGER ALWAYS LIKE TO DELETE MY POSTS AFTER I TYPED SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is it that all I ask for is a simple decent job for me to live comfortably but I always land in shit holes? Why so I get such shit, from one crap company to another! Why is it that management make bad decisions and get away with it? Why is it that some people can be so irresponsible and get away with it. Why is it that we have to be accountable and wait for approval for every small action we take, every small thing we do? Why is it that we have to go through so many processes just to do one small thing..often we are not given the luxury of that time! FUCK LAH! Why are we faulted if we forget to do one small paperwork for a small job like it cost the company millions of dollars? FUCK! What's the budget for (we kept within it!) then if every small thing we do still has to go all the way to the Director for approval! Why is it that management can chase us but we can't chase them, read, 3 working days needed...FUCK OFF! Why is it that even my own boss can be soooo despicable to push us to die because he forgot what he said and agreed to!? There is nobody in this world that can be trusted! Why is it that I try so hard but nobody sees my worth or capability? Am I really an incompetent fool? Am I not even good enough? Why is it so difficult everytime? Why is it that my peers can be doing so much better and earning so much more than me? WHY WHY WHY! Why is it that the kind of life I want is so simple but I can't have it. A bleak uncertain future. An unsecured feeling. A wish a simple wish in my heart but I am not sure if it will happen. Why is it that I have to come home after a long unpleasant day and still have to entertain people? Why can't you just let me sulk or shout and scream or simply stay silent but instead demand I be the cute loving understanding babe you'd like? All I need is a long quiet hug from you and our time alone, away from facing anymore undesirable people I had to deal with all day! But you don't understand, you just think I am throwing tantrums again.

2011-04-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

I ALSO WANT TO GO ON LEAVE!!!!

2011-04-14T23:06:00.003+08:00

I AM FUCKING PISSED!!! I am very very fustrated and cranky! I hate this!!! Why is my computer still taking on a life on its own after I totally reformatted it?! Nothing seems to go my way. I think I am mental. I need counselling before I kill someone or I kill myself. EVERY BLOODY THING IRRITATES ME!!! AAHHH! I hate waking up. I hate having to go work! I hate having to talk to people. I hate having to face people. I hate all the people. I hate the fucking stupid people who earn more than me but can't think and can't work! I hate my life. I hate this feeling!!! I HATE IT THAT YOU HAD TO GO ON THE TRIP. I HATE WAITING. It feels like there is no end to this. Feels like forever like the day will never come. Time is crawling. My patience is short, with everything and everyone. I feel like I can SLAP every idiot who comes too close to me, on the train, on the pathment, on the road, in the office. I AM SOOOO MAD!!!! AAAARGHH!!!

2011-04-06T11:46:00.003+08:00

I have been psyching myself up for the dreaded lonely days ahead. I shall talk to my rabbits at night so that my neighbours think there are many humans living in my unit. I will hang out with friends till late on weekends so I sleep half the day away the next. I shall catch all the dramas on TV, there are many HK & idol dramas on cable this month. I will sleep A LOT so don't come knocking on my door. Maybe all you should do is drop me an SMS to see if I am still alive. I shall learn to live alone all over again.

2011-03-18T14:39:00.003+08:00

I haven't been doing the "thinking" in a while. Remember how I used to have so much thoughts in my head and how I'll put them down here. Somehow, my mind hasn't been wandering so much. It seems to have shut down. Every workday it's just the same routine, every weekend is the same routine. I just go on in my daily mundane life, not reflecting, not thinking, not questioning, not feeling. It's all numbness/jaded-ness (is there such a word?) Most of the time I am too tired to care. The mind is blank is stone at the end of each day and my eyes just stare blankly at the TV and laptop, my fingers just type away at the keyboard, my mouse just keep clicking at the FB games, my mouth just munch munch away. It's like brainless clockwork actions, just repeat everyday. Maybe it's an age thing? All those stoopid thoughts are diminishing. Like oh I am so old now it doesn't really matter. Or so what if I am so concerned, things don't change. So what if I complain everyday, I still must face it and go through it everyday. Nothing much can be done in this year. I can't even tell how things will be next year this time. I just have to stick to my stoopid job because I can't do anything "funny" as yet....because funny things are done by some others hahahaha. I just have to make sure I have money coming in every month so that my flat doesn't get confiscated by HDB (HAHAHA!). And of course no extra money to feed extra people, so no baby plans for this year. So don't ask me!

2011-03-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

AAAAAHHHHH! I am so sick of everything!

Just 4 months of work and I am sick of it. It's just the same old routine everyday. Rush rush rush work work work sleepy sleepy sleepy pissed pissed pissed. And my director is getting to be quite irritating. He doesn't tell us, doesn't update us, doesn't give us directions, doesn't answer our questions, but assumes we SHOULD know, and if we don't we look like we are stupid. WHAT THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM. And I hate my Finance. Bloody frigid stupid people stupid system.

I WANNA SCREEEEEAAAAM!!!

2011-02-05T23:31:00.002+08:00

Oh I haven't been here in a while. It's the 3rd day of CNY...means only one day left of the weekend! DAAAMMN! Not that I like CNY though. When you're a kid, CNY is fun becos of the new clothes, the angpows, the soft drinks and the good food. But when you get older, new clothes, money, soft drinks and good food don't matter anymore cos you get them frequently, not only on CNY. Instead CNY becomes a pain cos you have to see those people whom you see once a year, whom are called your relatives but you are not at all close to them or may not even remember their names or how they are related to you, and still have to act like you are so happy to see them. Actually...I don't visit such distant relatives during CNY lah hahahah!

When you get too old for angpows, nosey relatives ask you when are you gonna get married (so you can stop taking angpows and give angpows instead). Then after you are married, anxious relatives start asking when are you bringing a little one to come collect angpows -_-" Aye! Get married liao doesn't mean you'll have kids immediately OK! Stop asking me! If you see a baby means we have a baby!

This year's CNY is the first since I got married and so the obedient wife has to follow the big bad wolf, oh I mean the husband to Malaysia! How I miss my family and my normal reunion dinner :(( Totally not used to it. But I kinda prepared myself mentally and emotionally a lot beforehand...But still feel a bit sad at times. So funny, his cousin totally understands, she said, "the men won't get it". SO TOTALLY AGREE! Haiz what to do, I am a 女人...Just grit my teeth and tahan through the two days lor. Felt so happy to be home!

My 1st time giving out angpows...not fun! And giving my cousins who are like the same generation as me! Even giving my elder sis cos she is not married, that feels quite weird! The only things I enjoy about CNY is my Ah Gong's place charcoal steamboat and lotsa abalone! HURHUR!

2011-01-03T14:41:00.001+08:00

The best period of the year has once again passed.
Brand new year again. I welcome it with a sore throat and a lethargic body.

I hate new year, every time I say that. It’s a tiring thought lah. A long year to go through again. Going through the months one by one, rushing projects and looking forward to the next public holiday. This year has a few sucky events happening. February’s CNY will be my first not having my usual reunion dinner with my family. Have to go Malaysia for who knows how many days, so not looking forward to that, in fact can I say I am dreading it? It’ll be so boring!

Then come late Feb and Mar, work will be hectic, exhibitions back to back. Now I am afraid that I need to work on Ling’s wedding day. DAMN! What’s worse is the piggy will be going reservist and overseas in March! HOME ALONE all tired and sad and lonely. I can just imagine how shitty it will be. I wanna cry now.

Not sure when the office move will take place, anytime from Apr to Jun. Not sure if it’s good or bad. Gonna be a longer journey to work from then on, and not sure if we can still get such a “private” working space with our own room. At least wishing the new place will be “more advanced” and “presentable” than this ulu campus.

There’s something I am afraid of….quite afraid. It’s gonna be a very different year. Maybe good for others but I am not confident it will be good for me. Heaven is not so good to me… There isn’t much happy events to look forward to for first half of the year. Such negativity!

2010-12-20T12:07:00.002+08:00

Something I dread. Something I am afraid of. Something I don't look forward to. Something I am uncertain about. I have decided and very certain I will hate March 2011.

2010-12-09T09:09:00.004+08:00

What I Want (for Christmas):
Rebond my messy hair!
A Bag A Bag A Bag for work. Big enough to put a file.
Boots! (What's new!)
V10 Hyaluronic Acid
iPhone...
HOLIDAY!! (When will my honeymoon take place...)

2010-11-13T14:45:00.002+08:00

It's Saturday afternoon, one of my favourite times of the week. This is a good time. I don't hate work yet. I am glad to be working, only that I am grouchy every morning getting out of bed. I have made myself comfortable in the workplace. My colleagues are OK so far (but not the brainless sales people who come to irritate me with their stupidity). Best of all, I love that income is coming in! Gonna bank in the cheque asap, that covers my hefty credit card bill for last month. So many things I wanna buy! Shoes! I bought 2 pairs of cheap shoes over lunch yesterday! HAHAHA! I never seem to find good shoes for work. I need more work clothes! And I want a bag. And I want to rebond my lion's mane. I hate my hair now. Before Christmas I shall do it! With such a list of things to spend on, plus the end of year festive season of gift buying and birthdays, I think savings won't start till next year. Oh shit, Feb is CNY and I have to give the you know what this year! Can I not?!

2010-09-15T18:51:00.002+08:00

This is taking longer and harder than I expected. I keep questioning that decision I made. I just wanted to GET OUT of that rut, I didn't think so much. I didn't think I would be that incapable. I had enough to keep me going for a while. But it's dragging on beyond deadline. The numbers in the bank are falling. The glimmers of hope have all vanished. I have to start again. But I have no energy and no heart to go through so many rounds. Yet giving up is not an option at all. Too long periods of inactivity can make one stupid. Optimism runs dry. The eyes open each day to sunlight but the mind is blank. Sleep seems like an escape, but sleeping is a sin. Even breathing is a sin when everyone else except yourself is making themselves useful. Crippled. Independence is lost.

2010-09-04T23:40:00.001+08:00

If I get a job, I will buy an iPhone 4.

2010-09-02T19:59:00.002+08:00

D.E.P.R.E.S.S.E.D (and very hungry this very moment)
Trying hard to keep those thoughts away. Just keep trying. Doubts in my head. No right to complain. Just keep moving on to the next one. Not good enough.
Feel like crying. Tears just fall.
Spacey. Stoned. Staring at the screen, staring at the walls, staring at the street.
Silent. Keeping very silent. Don't talk to me.

2010-08-12T13:42:00.002+08:00

OK BLOGGER JUST DELETED THE ENTRY I TYPED COS MY DAMN SUCKY INTERNET GOT D/C! AAARGH! This sucks yah. Jobhunt sucks. I have applied for so many jobs buut there's less than 5% response. I see job ads being repeated for weeks but the companies are still not hiring! WHY? The gahmen is lying to us saying the market is picking up fast and many jobs are created. Yah right. I see thousands of jobs listed on the jobs portal...but why am I not selected? Hur. I can be a "contributing" civil servant leh! Hey I am not the only one. Seems that many people are taking months to find a job. Finding the right job is harder than finding the right man lah. HAHAHA. Without a man we won't die, without a job we will! CRAP. So I have to persevere on... Apply apply and apply. Wait and wait. Go for interviews and suck up to people and sell my ass.... HURHUR. This sucks. I have to watch my spending for I don't know when the money will start coming in. This sucks cos I am so bored. I wanna go on holiday! But can't spend the money...

2010-07-31T23:13:00.005+08:00

OMG the below is really quite true! Taken from ZodiacFacts
A Cancer dislikes people who forget names and dates (becos Cancers have excellent memories)
A Cancer dislikes having to handle a crisis
A Capricorn hates being embarrassed in public
A Capricorn hates being made to feel useless

2010-07-20T16:16:00.004+08:00

Sick of the events, or should I say, lack of events lately. Perhaps I haven't been doing anything very constructive recently that I am feeling lousy about myself. All I have been doing is grocery shopping, cooking, mopping, vacuumming and laundry. I feel like a housewife. I don't think I can ever be a full-time housewife, I will feel so damn worthless haha. I will feel so damn insecure not earning my own keep and have to be dependent on others. Having a tad too much time on my hands is not good. My mind starts to wonder...wonder wonder wonder. Then worry worry worry...

No luck with the jobhunt. Been to a handful of interviews but they suck (or I sucked at them?). Just not hitting thr right notes nor meeting the right people (who like me). Some of the interviewers really suck. They make me feel like it's a sin to quit my job just because I needed to get married, plan wedding and move house. I wanted to concentrate on my life cannot is it? Do I need to prove to you that I am only capable if I am to juggle work, plan wedding, move house, etc. Many don't seem to believe I quit the last job because I have married and shifted to the West. Some of them give me the reaction that it is wrong that I am unwilling to travel 1.5 hours to work everyday. HUH? Spending 3 hours travelling a day is very tiring ok. Anything wrong with that? Since I can venture out and look for a job nearer my home, why not? And that stupid previous company wasn't fantastic to make me wanna stay there forever! All sorts of idiotic interviewers and their black faces and self-centred attitudes as if I owe them money. Humph.

Is the market still bad or am I the problem? Have I been jobless for too long that I have become dumb? Or has 4 years in the brainless place made me stupid? Am I expecting too high? Am I positioning myself wrongly? Underqualified or overqualified? Questioning myself, questioning on the decisions I have made for some aspects in my life and wondering if I did right. Did I choose the wrong path in life? Did I begin wrong by studying the wrong thing? Am I not cut out for this field? Maybe I have been wrong all along? Or is this just happening for a reason? Maybe there is something in store for me further down the road...? Maybe all these are meant to pass by? Goddamnit looking for a job is harder than looking for a lifetime partner man! (I can say that now that I am married hurhurhur)... OK whatever I am rambling.

2010-07-15T19:55:00.002+08:00

FML FML FML. I AM PISSED. This world sucks. And I am stupid.

2010-07-05T18:33:00.002+08:00

Hello it's been 9 days since the wedding and I haven't got down to blog about it. Sort of losing the feel to blog about it with each passing day... Was very busy the few days after so didn't have time and now I am losing the feel for it hahaha. I can't really relate how I feel about that day cos all I felt was being rushed from one place to another, doing as I was told, event after event amidst the excitement, and the end of it was just exhaustion. Haiz... Still I have to thank many people for their help and support, without them the day wouldn't have run smoothly. The brothers & sisters were great. They were more tired than me haha cos I couldn't really do much but be pretty (WHAHAHAHA!) The photographers were great. I am very happy with their photos (though I haven't gotten my photos yet). The hotel staff were commendable for their professionalism. We were damn lucky in my opinion, for it didn't rain that day! It poured on Friday and Sunday leh! Lucky! I just wasn't very happy with my makeup artist hurhur....Other than that all else was good. OKAY. So it's OVEr. So what's next?

Well I just washed the toilets just now. HURHUR. I think my mama will be so proud of me. I am washing toilets, doing laundry, vacuuming, mopping floors and cooking dinners, all that I don't do at mama's house! Or maybe she will be so pissed cos I actually can do all those but just too lazy last time. HAHAHA. I am beoming such an auntie. I got very happy to see that the Mould Killer recommended by Regie works very well. OMG! That stupid thing can make me happy! I have been grocery shopping more than anything the past week. I am checking the cost for every freaking thing I buy now. Yesterday when I went out with the girls, we were shopping in NTUC (!) and telling each other what's good for cleaning. OMG OMG. One word. OLD. Freak.

I need a job. I need to do something constructive. I need to make myself useful. I need to be out there. Else I will become stupid and start rotting away. Job come money come! But no news after all those applications...why...

It's 6.57pm. I am hungry.

2010-07-04T11:47:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to me. (one day late though)
Know what's my birthday wish(es)?
Been a week since the wedding and I have been wanting to blog about it. But haven't got around to it. Tomorrow tommorow ok...

2010-06-25T23:29:00.002+08:00

In 24hours time, all will be OVER. I can't wait! I hope I will be able to sleep tonight. Yesterday I only fell asleeep at 4am though I went to bed at 1.30am. I thought I wasn't nervous but apparently I subconsciously am. Haiz... Whatever happens tomorrow I don't care lah. Just be pretty haha. OKAY. Please DON'T RAIN/FLOOD. Very dangerous... When I got woken up by the rain just before 9am today, the first thought in my mind was, it can't rain at exactly the same time tomorrow! Aiyoh PRAAAAAY ah! If not very troublesome. The first bad thing that can happen will be the car deco. Yikes!!! PLEASE DON'T RAIN. Wanna rain? In the afternoon please. It's gonna be a long long day ahead. May all go well...

2010-06-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

MY LEFT HAND THUMBNAIL BROKE. IT'S SUPER SHORT NOW. How to do nail extensions like that! AAARGH!

2010-06-21T01:08:00.003+08:00

My stupid sister is so nice. Just because I cleared out most of my stuff from my room and told her she can move hers in...she really moved ALL her stuff into my cupboard and wardrobe. And she threw out my remaining stuff into plastic bags on the floor. Just cos she claims when she starts work today, she will be so busy she got no time to pack. Bloody hell lah. She just has to not go her THAT friend house one afternoon and she will have time! *PISSED* So me am living off a suitcase for the last 5 days in my room. Added irritation on top of all those people who have pissed me off enough with their endless opinions on my wedding.

I have already settled into the "I don't really care anymore" mode for the event. I have done most of what I can do, of what is in my control. Somebody somewhere somehow will sure screw up...cos too many people and too many things are involved. You just need someone to be late or someone to forget stuff or just the stupid technology to f*ck up at the last minute for no reason. No point tuning things to perfection cos SHIT HAPPENS and idiotic people will come and ruin your efforts. (I can think of so many such names now).

As long as the cars or decorated, my gowns are collected with no problem, the makeup artist and photographers do their jobs, the invited people turn up, I walk in properly without any falling flat on my face or dress getting ripped, the food is served and no one gets poisoned, the emcees just say enough for people to understand what is happening, the wedding singers sing, the AV equipment run smoothly and no drunkards fight. If you want to be served tea, you'd better be there when the ceremony is on. WE DON'T WAIT FOR LATE QUEENS AND KINGS. If you're invited and the card says 7.30pm dinner, YOU'D BETTER BE NO LATER THAN 8PM! TAMADE all the people better be there on time, drink their tea when served, eat their food when served, enjoy the music and THE SHOW that I star in because they asked for it.

Boy, am I angsty or what?

2010-06-16T23:05:00.002+08:00

Nine Days More. Well...I just can't wait for it to be over! My montage is done. YAAAAY! Packing is such a headache. My small room can have so much rubbish! Jobhunting is also a headache. (I want to work at Buona Vista haha). Oh I am hungry again. Gonna look for food...laterrr!

2010-06-11T14:12:00.003+08:00

I really feel that my brain has become retarded a bit after months of inactivity --> read WORK. I can't even write a proper blog post now. I have forgotten how to form sentences or how to express my thoughts. Or maybe because I don't have much thoughts now so I can't express them? Hurhur. So my brain is not thinking then if I don't have thoughts? I need to fill up this job application form that requires me to answer 8 questions to "access my competencies" and I have been staring at the form since yesterday and still don't really know how to write! I can't seem to remember past experiences in my life that I can use to answer these questions. And so that shows how inexperienced I have been? My life's been such a bed of roses that there ain't any highs nor lows nor exceptionals to speak of.

So what have I been doing in these months of "idling"? Well, preparing for 26 June. It's not funny ok. It's like a full-time job that doesn't pay me. 15 more days. Hmmm...I just can't wait for it to be over! I am just waiting for the night of 26th when I step back to my suite after everyone's has left and just plonk onto my bed and start counting the angpows! (*bubbles of imagination forming in my head*) Mr Liu, you'd better be sober and counting angpows with me. I don't want you to be drunk and puking and I have to clean you up!

We'll need to go across the causeway tomorrow for the Msia dinner --> read DREAD. Take a deep breadth, just smile and wave, smile and wave. I was packing my room this week cos my dear sister is chasing me out of my room! Such a DEAR! She can't wait to take over my room, she's bugging me to shift cos she claims she will be too busy to pack after she starts work. So I packed, halfway through now. I was looking through my poly and uni books and assignments and I thought, wow I wrote all those papers? Now I feel like a retard again. Where did my brain go? And of cos, having two geniuses as my sisters doesn't help either. Both 1st class honours and masters students and earning a starting pay much higher than me who has worked for 5 years! Are they really my blood sisters? Why they so smart I so dumb? SIIIGHHH!

2010-06-03T00:02:00.003+08:00

Not happy I tell you! Quite pissed lah! Stupid stupid stupid! Oh why do I bother! SHALL SHUT UP! ZIP! Forget it. Don't think about it!

The stupid spicy noodles and kopi made me visit the toilet 4x today. NOT FUNNY. The stupid chairs still cocked up! WAH LAU! CONDEMN! My body is aching. WHY? Backache and shoulder-ache. Feel very lethargic. Maybe due to typing at the comp all day today? Maybe due to not enough sleep? Or maybe feeling under the weather? Gotta go shopping with Mum tomorrow. Feel so tired...Hurhur. I am not jumping for joy at the sound of shopping...I am abnormal. Oh I shall go lie down and just nuah there. *Stone* I am beginning to ramble.......

2010-05-26T00:00:00.003+08:00

When was the last time I laughed out loud? When was the last time I went to bed without a mind full and a heavy heart? When was the last time I woke up feeling happy? There are no more smiles. A horrible feeling, like having something, say a food that I hate, stuffed down my throat forcefully. It's stuck there, I can't breathe, I can't puke, I have to swallow it, but it's so nausating, I feel GAGGED. Nobody understands.

Oh well, who actually cares if I am happy or unhappy.

2010-05-25T18:07:00.003+08:00

Countdown: ONE MORE MONTH

Many many things to do in this one month. Should I be glad that it's only one month more to go and everything will be over? But there is really many things to be done in this last month! I need to write them down cos there's so many!(p) - Haven't properly started on my photo montage! DAAAAMNIT! I have no inspiration...
- Need to go to the florist to choose car deco and order corsages...
- Need to go buy new bedsheets with Mum...and who knows what other stuffs...
- Need to bring Mum go buy her dress for the dinner...
- Need do actual day itinerary for the ladies before 10 Jun meeting...
- Need to send out my invitations...
- Need to meet the photographers for briefing...
- Need to confirm details/songs with the singers...
- Need to visit the hairstylist
- Need to book mani/pedi session
- Need to go facial
- Need to pack my stuff to slowly move over
- NEED TO JOBHUNT!

What else what else what else? Aaaargh so many things! I wish I could have just done a simple buffet reception...pissed pissed pissed. Head very big ah...

2010-05-24T00:03:00.009+08:00

A couple of events today made me and little sister talk for very long. I think we are the only two normal members in this household. The other two are not worth mentioning. One is a brat, the other is...ahem simply boh chup.

Anyway, my parents are quite worrying. First, they hate each other. Where is the love? (Not that they were ever very loving in my memory)... I always question, why did they marry each other in the first place! They are such clashing characters now that I see. And if you'll grow to hate that person, why did you marry him/her in the first place! It is such a pain to see your middle-aged parents stuck in an unhappy marriage. I imagine myself 30 years from now and if I am like that... Oh it's even horrible to think about it.

Today dad was in quite a bad mood. And mum pissed him off more. All becos of the shop again lah! The shop has met with it's fate, as I predicted it will from the 1st day it opened. Anyway we went to help mum remove the sign at her stupid shop just now after dinner. Dad went to get the tools to remove some screw and he walked into the glass! BHAAAAM! Shocked all of us. It was damn loud. Then we saw my Dad wobbling around outside. I think he knocked his head so hard he saw stars. DAMN SCARY lor! I think he bumped his forehead/eyebrow area. His glasses were fine, and there were no scratches/blood or anything. Thank goodness! But I think he's gonna get a REALLY big bump. And better observe that he doesn't feel unwell the next few days. Sis and I were quite traumatised by it. It's not funny to see old people get injured. It's VERY VERY SCARY.

When we were young, my parents taught us everything. They scolded us when we did wrong. Now the roles seem to have changed. Sometimes I really can't help scolding my mama cos of the things she does and the way she (doesn't) think. And I want to scold my parents for the way they treat each other. It's quite bad lah. Can you all don't shout/don't quarrel/ don't do things that make each other angry? I seriously think there is a big problem in their marriage. Usually when issues are trivial, people simply dismisses those problems as "non-existent" and not worth resolving/talking about it...thinking such a small issue it will go away by itself...people will forget about it. NO! (Why do people dig up the past when they quarrel? Why does it seem that a small little matter can cause a person to be soooo unhappy and explode into a quarrel?) Because it is never ONE SMALL MATTER. Not dealing with it doesn't mean it will go away. IT NEVER WILL! Instead many small things accumulate to become BIG problems...so BIG now that it's too complicated to resolve. Someone was unhappy but doesn't say. Someone didn't know how to communicate properly. Someone doesn't bother to communicate. Someone gives up trying to communicate. Someone doesn't show love. Someone avoids the problems. Someone turns to other people. Someone has problems but refuses to admit. At any one point in time, and viewed individually, they seem so small and trivial. But that doesn't mean they won't make any impact. Snowball them together and it's WHAAAM! A lifetime of unhappiness. There will only be 2 endings. VERY VERY BAD quarrel when all the accummulated unhappiness comes out to air. If not, they may not quarrel becos they have become indifferent to each other and the relationship just dies a natural silent death.

None of us understands why mama can't just be satisfied with the money she gets every month and be a good wife and mum at home. Instead she must find all these crappy stuffs to do give herself more trouble, stress and waste so much money. I know my dad hates the shop and refuses to have anything to do with it. (I wonder how my mum coerced him into giving her money for it in the 1st place!) Well, if I were him, I would react the same way. Like I told you from day one it's a rubbish idea and didn't ask for that stupid shop and so I don't wanna have anything to do with it. It's like I told you so from the beginning and I didn't ask for so much trouble, you want to do it you be solely responsible kinda attitude. NOT wrong. But on the other hand, that's your wife, the one you chose and married and supposedly to support and standby all your life! My dad didn't once help my mum do anything for the shop. He was even embarrassed to acknowledge it. That's quite sad to say....like my mama has to beg my dad for his help (moving stuff when it opened and now that it's closed)....own husband leh! SIGGHHHH. Where is the love? Do all people/marriages become like that after half a lifetime? I am so disillusioned... This little crab hates disharmony in the home. This little crab needs a happy home with lotsa love to protect her. This little crab hates the world for the dangers out there and hides back home when she feels threatened. But when this little crab's home is threatened, where can this little crab hide to?

2010-05-19T15:16:00.003+08:00

Had a "trial" feel of staying at my new place...been here the past 3 days to do the wedding cards and wait for furniture delivery. Surprisingly I quite miss home. I miss my soft bed haha. Can't imagine when I move here for real. A bit reluctant just thinking about it...like uprooting myself and leaving the place where I spent my whole life in...so far away from my family. Next time dunno how often I will go back to see them. Then I will be so lazy to travel to town cos so far...so far from everywhere...gawd...my life will be west west west. *horror*

2010-05-13T01:04:00.001+08:00

PLEASE STOP CRYING. STUPID.

2010-05-10T22:52:00.005+08:00

The other day my friend told me to read John Gray's bok, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and I will find many answers in there. I read that book before, probably like 10 years ago! HAHAHA. OK maybe I'll go read it again. I forgot much of it.

John Gray may not be entirely right, but there's some sense in there, especially the scoring points system haha. To Men, Big Acts = Many Points. But to Women, Every Act is an Equal Point. So the men probably feel they have done a lot because they do the big acts and exhaust themselves in the process, but don't understand why the women are still unhappy. Well, because women don't really care how BIG, we care about the small stuffs and the consistency and the frequency of the acts hahaha! Well, I agree to that, not sure if that applies to all women. And to men, in the beginning of the relationship, somehow, they see that doing all the little things is part of the "mission", to conquer, to get the lady, so they do it without us asking. And women love that their men do it automatically and we fall crazily in love with them. Most men stop doing the little things after they have "conquered" the women, because they feel they have completed the task, they did all those little things in the first place and so the woman should know that shows that the man loves her. But the woman thinks differently... I guess that's why women always complain that men change, or men become lazy or complacent after a period of time because they stop noticing and stop doing the little things. The men don't understand why women start to complain so much, so they think women are hard to please. If Martians and Venutians are so different...why do we get together in the first place?

Somemore videos that I find quite interesting...some truth in there too.

2010-05-01T01:53:00.007+08:00

I am mad. I am having (half) sleepless nights. I slept only 6 hours yesterday cos I tossed & turned in bed with lotsa stuff runnng thru my head. Now it's 2am and I am still not sleeping. So here I am doodling online... Something interesting to read.

Like what the toot lah! So true.

Cancer Life Pursuit: Constant reassurance and intimacy.

Cancer's Secret Desire: To feel safe (emotionally, spiritually, romantically and financially). Sometimes dealing with a Cancer can be very difficult. No one can understand the true emotions of a Cancer. Sometimes the Cancer finds it rather hard to face life. A Cancer may turn extremely moody if they find that they their feelings are not being reciprocated in a relationship. A Cancer may love you till the end of their life…but if you go wrong somewhere…they will sure to give you a cold look as well. It takes awhile for a Cancer to emotionally open up. Do not rush them let them come too you. Cancers are often in need of so much emotional protection, that their partners find it difficult to provide.

And I just think the below is quite funny...

Cancers are Capable of loving You when no one else would love you. --- so You better appreciate it. The Cancer wife mothers everything. She typifies the most motherly influence of all of the Zodiacal wives --- yah only when I want to be motherly. Cancer people are quick to blow up and quick to forgive --- but we never FORGET. The Cancer love is the true defintion of real love.The cancer will give up anything and everything just to be with you. --- GOT MEH?!

2010-04-30T00:30:00.002+08:00

依赖。过度依赖某些人，失去了自我，失去了自己独立的力量。习惯。习惯身边有人，习惯什么事都一起做，突然自己一个人的时候就不知所措。觉得自己最近变得脆弱了。

2010-04-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

Did my sums today to see how much has been spent on my wedding photos and my flat so far. Wedding photos & Taiwan trip cost me about $3,600! The total cost was $7,000...Win liao lor. When we took up the package, our budget was $4,000-$5,000. All that extra photos!!!

As for the flat...it's about $31,000 including reno, electricity, lightings, bathroom accessories, aircon, curtains, dining table & chairs, fridge, sofa, washer, iron, vacuum cleaner, sound system & TVs! Wooowoooweet. EXCELLENT. Thank god my dad sponsor a bulk of it or I think I will be completely broke now. Most of the stuffs have been boughtand the flat is 80% done. Just left the carpentry work and floor polishing and cleaning and the reno will end next Thursday! Yaaay! Then the furniture and electrical goods will come the weekend after. I like my new flat, so much simpler and modern now. I like my lights. Makes my flat look nice. Just hope the furniture delivery don't screwed up cos we saw some bad reviews about that shop (after we bought the stuff!). I think my housewarming will be in end may or early june latest. So ahem! Everyone! See below my wishlist? It's not too bad. Left the small ticket items only liao leh! HAHAHAHA!

Cash/Angpows will be the best!
Gift vouchers are pretty good too...like from Courts/Harvey Norman/Best Denki/Robinsons/Tangs/IKEA etc...
Microwave (no need too big)
Toaster Oven (no need too big, good enough to toast bread, bake a small cake or chicken wings will do!)
Electric water kettle (like those they provide in hotel. And no need airpot!)
Rice cooker (i want those that look like bread maker where the lid opens by just clicking a button)
Non-stick pan and wok (Yes TEFAL hahaha)

Hmmm... I think that's about it. We've got more than enough dining sets already (though not very pretty but the FIL bought it so can't say no!) Cutlery sets will be good but I am quite picky about those designs so better don't buy. What else do people get for housewarming?

OK so the house is almost done! Yay! Now the next headache....dreaded...wedding banquet. Haiz.

2010-04-20T02:29:00.002+08:00

How much can you cry before you go blind?
How much heartache can you bear before the heartpain suffocates you?

2010-04-18T17:02:00.002+08:00

I am so irritated I don't want to get married liao lah!!!

2010-04-18T16:57:00.003+08:00

脸油油。留鼻涕。留鼻水。And I thought of the latest one - YES MAN. AAAAARGHHH!!!

2010-04-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

All of you must be envying me now. I am not complaining I guess, but I am just...SIIIAAAN. Helping FL out with her thingy till end of the month, to earn myself a bit of pocket money. Yet I feel so lazy to go work even if it's 4 days a week. It's boring leh... But that bit of money beats having nothing at all from rotting at home. I am not having a ball of a time because I have to watch my spending OK...I wanna buy new clothes and eat (expensive) good food but I can't...the flat & wedding needs money... I wanna eat japanese/sashimi/steamboat buffet and sing KTV...Weekends are too expensive and no khakis on weekdays anyway.

The flat is almost done, pending carpentry and all the remaining installation works. Furniture almost finish buying... Well that's something fun to look forward to... When it's complete and furnished. But I don't think I am moving there so soon... Next is the WEDDING. SUCH A CHORE lah! There seems to be so so so many things to do but they all seem to be in the last 1-2 months...I should just stop being wishy washy and book the necessary people for their services. ($$KACHING$$) Am working on that "project"...As lame & cliche as it is, I will do it. Bits & pieces are forming in my head...I need to put them together brilliantly. And yes I need to be really quite brilliant to pull that through. The biggest headache will probably be the itinerary of the actual day. WTF lah I donno who will do what and when who should be where doing what. Idiotic. If I could be the one to decide, I will do a way with all the crap! Humph. Yet the ones who want this are not moving their asses to action yet! My wedding, my life yet I do it for others' pleasure. Wunderrrful.

2010-03-31T23:33:00.005+08:00

LIST OF THINGS TO BE DONE:

Buy lightings for the flat (this sat!) (DONE)
All the flat reno...in my ID's good hands...just overseeing things. (ALMOST DONE)
Confirm SOFA Set Colour & delivery (DONE)
Choose Bedframe & confirm delivery (DONE)
Look for Dining Table (DONE)
Meet Photographer, Confirm Photographer, confirm job details (DONE)
Book Makeup Artist… Joann? (DONE)
Meet Blue Bay SG to discuss package, confirm list of services provided, choose gowns
Meet Wedding Harmony to discuss songs, add songs, march-in songs, etc
Prepare Emcee Script? (NO NEED HAHA! Got sample!)
Meet the Parents Session (No conclusion...)
Guest list (I am done for my part, I even did the seating arrangements haha!)
Meet Regent for wedding favours, wedding invites, theme, hotel music list, etc (DONE)
Food Tasting Session
Source for Sisters Corsages?
Send out wedding invites
Briefing of Brothers & Sisters
Do up table/seating arrangements

The list goes on...I am sure I left out some things... So many things to be done hor! This is the reason I quit my job so early!

2010-03-25T22:47:00.003+08:00

It's been a week since the trip & photoshoot and I am still missing it. Images of the places we went, the things we did keep repeating in my mind. I would recall exactly a week ago at this exact time, what was I doing? What was I doing on each evening, what I wore every day. Before I went, I didn't have much idea about the shoot. Looking back now, there are some things I wished I did better. I wished I was more natural. Yes I wished I put more energy into my shoot, I look so fake. I wish I was more spontaneous. I wish there was more interaction captured in the photos. But am still glad the photos turned out pretty good and I am still missing them, want to view them once again, because seeing them again brings me back in time when it happened (well almost). I even check the weather in TW till now... The weather today is super cold due to some cold draft. Just a week difference. Thank god my weather exactly a week ago was super good. Yes I think of stuffs like that. Whenever I miss past moments, I recall them in my head and think back exactly what I was doing back then...

I am sooo bored. I guess so many people are envious of my life now...but it is really quite...boring. Hurhur. Dilemma... I think it will be good to work, to have something to do, so I don't feel so empty & aimless when the whole world is too busy to entertain me... But I don't want to be slogging at work that I feel so tired and stressed and not having time for the biggest project of my life... Most of the things will be confirmed in the last 2 months before the wedding... That's why I don't want to be tied down with work and not being able to plan for the big stupid day. Also when I made up my mind to resign last year, I told myself I needed a break, I was looking forward to resting my body and mind...but I do feel...rather empty now.

Next week the renovations begin... That's something to oversee! Next week I get to see my photos again for editing/layout/comments. YAAAAY! Next week I shall go help FL with her competition... Do some simple jobs for 3 evenings a week to earn a bit of pocket money and so I am not bored to death at home. I still need to look for my AD photographer and makeup artist. My makeup artist who did my ROM was pretty good I don't mind using her again, I just haven't confirmed her...is $500 for full day expensive? Anyone got better recommendations? WHY IS AD PHOTOGRAPHY SO EXPENSIVE? Goodness. I wish I was a good photographer....they earn like $2k for a day's work (or more!)

My wedding is like in 3 months yet I am here saying I am bored. Am I crazy? Errr...Well the hotel event coordinator will be contacting us soon for invites, favours, guest list, theme, etc...most of the stuffs will be done in the last 2 months. The stuffs I have to do are in progress... other pressing issues that need to be done... I can't do them... My guest list is super simple and it's done. The stuffs you have to buy for customary...which is what I don't even know! That's the parents' jobs cos they want all these traditional things. OH YAH. I need to go source for corsages for the sisters! WHERE DO I GET THEM!? OH YAH! I need to do my photo montage! OK now I don't seem so free liao hahahah!

{I applied for 5 jobs this week}

2010-03-22T02:28:00.013+08:00

It's 2.25am now and I am (well I WAS) not sleepy (maybe due to the chinese tea at dinner) so I decided to get up and blog about my Taiwan trip. It was a pretty good trip overall. As compared to the one last year, we are super slack this year. We went there for a purpose and didn't plan to do much of anything else except ROT, SLEEP and EAT. Hahah.

Mar 15: Day 1: 21 Deg C

Reached our hotel at about 8plus. Dropped our bags and out we went for dinner. Went for our fave mini hotpot - Ku Ku G at Ximending. Super cheap only S$15. Why can't we have such cheap and good food in SG?

hello stupid jetstar plane. i am poor so no choice take jetstar this time.

sunset seen from the plane

we love Ku Ku G hotpot

Mar 16: Day 2: 16 Deg C

Didn't have anything planned for today, except to go to the studio for gown choosing and fitting at 5pm. So we just loitered around XMD. First up was going to eat Ah Zong Mian Xian for lunch... walked around a bit then had good gyozas and soup before we proceeded to the studio...The fitting session ended about 8pm and we then proceeded to Shi Lin Ye Shi for dinner. We are damn slack I told you. SO lazy to go anywhere or do anything.

on the train to the studio

bridal studio

beef steak + corn soup + bun @ Shilin Ye Shi for only S$7. bloody cheap & good

saw this damn funny dog at Shilin. the face is the best man.

Mar 17: Day 3: 18 Deg C

Free day. Seriously don't know what to do! So we decided to go back to the temple to pray and thank the Gods. I don't even go to the temples in SG so religiously...

jelly asked about his career and got a fortune reading that i obviously disbelieve in.

go eat good old Mister Donut again. u want some?

Mar 18: Day 4: 24 Deg C

Day of our shoot. We had to report at the studio at 9am for makeup, hair and clothing. Long day ahead. I didn't really know what to expect...though I have seen & assisted countless of photoshoots before, but this time I was the focus. I was in a foreign land. I was to don all that makeup and gowns which is super NOT ME. We chose the route that will include mountains, sea, flowers and beach...all that can fit into one day. By the time we were ready to set off, it was 11am. Total 6 people in the van. Me & Jelly, Driver, Makeup artist Jia Ning, Lighting assistant Dou Fu & Photographer Kiwi. We fond out later that we are very lucky to get Kiwi as our Photographer as he is the Director of Photography of the studio. And also the weather was the best of all the days cos it was raining the past 3 days, poor lighting and very cold. But today it was GOOD. The sun has come out and a perfect weather so I don't have to freeze in the gowns. In SG we worry about melting in the sun huh... but that week I was worried about the cold.

The team was very pro...Really fast and skillful. Jia Ning helps me change my hair & clothes by the roadside...the van is able to do up this makeshift tent at the back. Quite an experience haha. How do they do it in SG? Dou Fu is the assistant who does all the nitty gritty stuffs. He looks quite young, like maybe 23 or 24 only...But the way he handles my gowns is shocking. He knows where/how to lay them and how to pick them up. Dou Fu & Kiwi had to keep making us laugh cos we were looking fake in our smiles & it got worse towards the end cos we were so tired from smiling. But they were so pro I really admire them. Kiwi's skills are really good lah. He knows all the routes in his head, he knows all the photo spots in his head, he knows all the angles. He gives instructions super fast we feel a bit stupid that at times we have to think for a second what did he just say? The places we went to actually don't look very good in reality. But the photos we saw the next day when we went for selection... WOW. Genius. How could he make such simple places look sooo good! Don't have photos to show you yet haha. The shoot ended at almost 7pm. FPr teh record, 6 locations, 5 gown changes in 8 hours.

i am obviously quite cranky to be up at 8am in the morning

my breakfast...and we never got to eat till 7pm when the shoot ended. so cham hor.

got mountain

got sea

ok a sneak preview...this was taken by amateur jelly using amateur camera haha. i seriously feel i look like a courtesan in this big red ensemble... SO NOT ME!

jia ning & me. they kept making fun of her saying she look like those ah soh who sells the flowers by the road.

Mar 19: Day 5: 27 Deg C

The next day when I woke up, my ribs were hurting from the very tight gowns, very tight at the chest...not tight will drop mah...what to do. We had to go select our photos at 1.30pm. SO EFFICIENT lah! Our photos were ready & printed out for us to choose by the next day afternoon! I was quite taken aback by some of the photos...hah cos I thought the places looked quite simple in reality but they turned out to look so nice. We sat at the studio till 6pm choosing our photos...I had to be the cruel one to cut the photos cos Jelly couldn't do the task...he wanted all hahaha! We went waaay over our budget cos we bought an extra 50 photos. In SG, the rate for every additional photo is $65... They gave us some discount...But still, it was a lot of money.

Mar 20: Day 6: 31 Deg C

As you can see, the weather just got hotter and hotter. Thank god we were lucky. I think I would have cried if I were to take my pics in this weather! What's the difference from SG then? It got so hot that I felt a bit warm just wearing a normal T-shirt. Crazy weather. So anyway we didn't do much on the last day. Just slacked around XMD (again). I wonder if I am old or I just been to TW too many times. I don't know what to buy anymore! I didn't get any shoes nor bags nor accessories this time! I didn't know where to spend my money (don't count the wedding photos).

one last photo outside the studio before they sent us to the airport. can't wait to see the 1st edited drafts of my pics next monday!

2010-03-12T01:57:00.003+08:00

How long will one wait for an answer? INDEFINITELY! (I know of someone who will). Just wait and wait....(and slog in the meantime)...and wait again...wait somemore...wait till the cows come home....wait till the seasons change....one fine day he decides to ask for the answer again but is told to WAIT AGAIN because more time is needed, so he waits again (continues to slog)...cannot rush people...wait wait wait...got a lot of time mah...OH CRAP! I GET IMPATIENT JUST TYPING THESE WAITING! FAAARK LAAAH!

2010-03-12T01:13:00.005+08:00

I AM VERY ANGRY NOW BUT NOBODY KNOWS NOBODY BOTHERS EXCEPT ME!

Wonderful! I can see my future life so clearly now.

*mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad*

2010-03-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

Yes I am offcially UNEMPLOYED. I don't need to do all those nonsense and entertain those people anymore hahahah. Happy for now. 2 months maybe. After that I will start to worry...hurhurhur. Anyway! Going TW soon! ~Lalala~ Focus on that first. Being a pretty pretty bride.

2010-02-28T21:08:00.004+08:00

AMF needs to make a list of the things that need to be done. SO SO MANY things! After next week, I will have the time to sit down and really plaaaan! (not to metion job hunt in between daaamnit lah.) Not much time left! It's already end of Feb! And after I come back from TW it'll be end of MARCH! That's 3 months left!

Let's see. I first have the TW trip...need to make a checklist! Then sourcing for photographer (and videgrapher?) and makeup artist. Then hopefully my ID will show us the drawings and we can quickly confirm and start reno by April. Oh yes have to book the performers too and choose our songs! Soon, Ms Jane will contact us for the wedding invites and favours and whatnots.

MR LIU, IS YOUR GUEST LIST READY?

MR LIU, DO YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY 3 MONTHS LEFT.

MR LIU, DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT TO DO?

2010-02-22T12:09:00.002+08:00

In exactly 3 weeks time, on 15 March, we will be on our way to Taiwan again! This time for our pre-wedding photoshoot! I am getting excited thinking about it though it's still 3 weeks away and I am still at work hahahaha! Well, the forums made me rather excited cos I am reading about other podders' experiences with Bluebay. And CHECKLIST! Need to make a list of the things to bring. So many things to bring. I haven't bought my bling bling wedding shoes yet! But nevermind, I know where to get it, it's just a matter of BUYING it. And wearing it of course. AARGH. Hate hate heels. How do people walk in those stilts? And 80% of women torture themselves like that everyday. Don't understand. Can I wear sport shoes under my gown? NOBODY WILL SEE LOR! Just slip on the bling shoes when I have to take photos lah.

Not looking forward to stupid Jetstar with the cramped seats and totally lack of entertainment and food. But I am poor so no choice.

Am still due for a trip down to the SG head office before our shoot to confirm last minute details...and let the woman nag at me. I still haven't practised...practise walking, posing, looking like a lady. Oh Fark.

2010-02-16T23:07:00.001+08:00

Hello it's back to work tomorrow. Four Days of holiday ending just like that. I can't remember much of these 4 days, because I didn't do much. I had steamboat dinners, I collected angpows, I caught a movie, I watched some teevee, I slept quite A LOT, I fell sick on the very 1st day of the Tiger Year.

I seriously don't know what I ate wrong on "chu yi" that caused me to wake up with a stomach upset and subsequent 3 trips to the toilet. I passed out sooo much so fast I lost too much fluids I went all soft and faint. I wanted to get some water to take some meds, only to break a cup first thing in the morning! Aiyoh! 落地开花! Such a bad thing to happen on the morning of the Lunar New Year. Then I was giddy as I picked up the broken pieces that I didn't even realise I cut my foot. (Did my horoscope say I will meet with 血光之灾 this year?!) Mum woke up and found me picking up the broken pieces. She didn't expect that minutes later as I stood up I was all faint and scared the hell out of her. Yeah what an exciting morning. So I stayed home that day as my whole family went out to "bai nian". I seriously was too dizzy to walk. (I was half grateful cos the sun looked too merciless to go out). They came back with (too much) food in the afternoon for me. I was better. By evening, I could go to ah gong's place for steamboat dinner again. By night, I was well. Oh I fall sick so fast and I recover quite fast too. Anyway the next morning, my (smartass) sister diagnosed my illness. She said because I diarrhea-ed, I lost too much fluids too fast that's why my blood pressure dipped rapidly causing all the fainting. So all I had to do was, drink lotsa H2O! That's it. Next time my house will stock up on 100 Plus, H2O and Pocari Sweat. HAHAHA!

A lil' different chinese new year this year. Not very good though. Back to work tomorrow. Many people will still be off...(I also want) Oh nevermind there won't be many people in office tomorrow. I have to start clearing stuff! It's time to COUNTDOWN!

2010-02-14T01:17:00.001+08:00

Hello Tiger Year. I need lotsa $$$ luck this year! Money come come!

2010-02-13T02:12:00.005+08:00

Haven't been happy pretty much the whole week. It's not the time of the month nor much to do with work (though the idiots are still bugging and exploiting me in my last 2 weeks in the company). The tears are still falling for no reason. The eyes have no life in them. She stares out out of the window blankly. She glares at the idiot man who stood too close for comfort in the crowded train. She barks at anyone who dares asks her a (stupid but innocent) question. Some things she usually loves irks her so badly now. Some close loved ones suddenly feel so distant and strange. The lyrics in the song resonated her thoughts. She wonders why she is feeling this way.

Song of the moment: 倒带 by Jolin Tsai

2010-02-11T00:40:00.001+08:00

Why do I feel this way?

2010-02-07T23:31:00.001+08:00

Hello. I am moody and cranky. Wunderful.

2010-01-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

Please call me LS Queen. I visited the toilet like 7 times today. Before I even went out of the house for lunch, 2 times. Then I had Teochew porridge for lunch with simple dishes of spinach, steam egg, mincemeat & fishcake. Still I pooped another 2 times after lunch. Then once in the late afternoon. Then twce after dinner. Dinner I ha plain rice and watercress soup. THAT'S ALL! SO simple food, bland and as less oily as can be and I am still pooping! Well... I have been having diarrhea since Wed (with a big bloated tummy). But I guess I wasn't too prudent in self-control (except for today) that's why I never got well. I am so sick of sitting on the bowl...And I wanna eat so many food...Fried chicken! Steamboat! Prawns! Hainanese chicken! Kill me!

2010-01-30T23:42:00.003+08:00

OK I must say I have totally no interest in korean groups/bands/music/etc. And I am a year late in posting this video. This was like super popular in 2009 (other than the Nobody song). But what the hell. Regie did show me this last year but I didn't watch it properly. And that day in KTV we decided to watch the MV to see the dance (cos I heard the radio raving it like mad last year) and I wanted to see what's the fuss about. I must admit it is really cool. I don't fancy the song but te dance choreography is good. The group is so big but the dance isn't messy at all. All the members have their positions and move so seamlessly to show us the various formations without us noticing it. And I like the leg movements. Very sleek.

2010-01-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

AMF is in super "ORD mood" though she still has 7 weeks more to go! ALAMAK!

2010-01-10T18:14:00.002+08:00

AMF IS VERY BORED. Stupid Sunday. Why must I go my grandparents' place for dinner...then I can't go anywhere else to play! Actually there is not many places I can go. Everywhere needs MONEY and I am saving my moolahs for my jobless days ahead hahahaha. We are so bored we din't even know where to go yesterday! So I told myself to stay at home today since I am not supposed to waste money and have to fulfill my duty as a grandchild, that is visiting my old folks regularly. Aaargh but I am so damn bored. Internet is so stupidly slow I can't watch my korean soapy drama properly. I can't even surf some sites properly! I can't sleep cos I don't nap in the day. Feel sleepy cos my dumb meimei woke me up at noontime cos she opened my packet of noodles by mistake in the morning and made me wake up to eat it cos it will turn soggy. I am perpetually hungry every minute but there is no food in te house. I already had instant noodles for lunch. Then I ate ice-cream and now I am starving...So hungry yet no good feast cos need to go my ah gong place for a sucky dinner. I sound so whiny hor. Cos I feel quite miserable. Aaaargh!

I tendered my resignation last Friday so the countdow begins! TWO MONTHS...so long. My stupid boss still pretended to act surprised. IDIOT. Since last year he knew I had plans to leave already. So he actually got 6 months notice from me. AMPLE time for him to hire new staff. Now he's finally managed to hire 3 new girls... it's time I wash my hands off the stupid matters! YAAAY! Bloody hell, it was only ME last time, now there are THREE new girls.

I AM SO HUNGRY I THINK I AM GONNA FAINT FROM HUNGER. Yet all the dumbos are not ready to go for dinner. I am so moody I wanna slap people.

2010-01-08T12:07:00.000+08:00

AMF is tendering her resignation letter today! Let the countdown begin.

2010-01-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

时间久了，感动逐渐没了。花样不再特别。惊喜不再出现。一切的用心成了一种理所当然。 26个月的伤痕。

2009-12-29T00:22:00.002+08:00

Last week of the year. I hate new year. Don't want the year to end so fast. So this week better pass slowly. BUT I AM BORED! Just plain bored. Can't go splurge cos need to save. Can't go holiday cos going in March...and yes need to SAVE. But nothing very exciting happening. Yes we got our flat, but not very happening yet cos there is nothing to do there, EXCEPT CLEANING. Must wait till the renovations are over then we can start the moving in and the buying of stuff. That will be fun, but that will be painful on my wallet. How come it seems that any (fun) activities will have to damage my wallet? Going to work this week is boring. I know I MUST NOT COMPLAIN! But it is BORING. Hahaha. But then the thought of facing all the idiots in Jan again puts me off too. What on earth do I want? I am not sure either. Actually I know what I want, just that I can't have it haha. I want to go on an all expenses paid holiday to someplace...just to have a holiday...play, eat, see see, walk walk, shop shop. But that's not gonna happen. Oh so sad. I am sleepy now. SO I shall go find my bed.

2009-12-26T23:38:00.003+08:00

How did I spend my Christmas? CLEANING! Two days of cleaning at my new flat. Wah so tiring! This is what I had for my Christmas Eve dinner. Korean BBQ. It was the only restaurant that didn't have a queue so we went in.

Pretty good.

This is the GOOD one. WAGYU BEEF! OMG OMG! But damn expensive. The pork was nice too but the waitress overcooked it!

2009-12-22T01:06:00.005+08:00

Been pigging and feasting the past few days. I LOVE FOOD. I love CHRISTMAS! I Love December! Eating buffet after buffet. Hotel buffet. Steamboat buffet. Hahahaha.
Today I celebrated Regie's brthday with her and we became "one day taitais"...Though we were "self-sponsored" taitais...out of our own pockets hurhurhur... We did the taitai stuffs anyway... First we went for high tea at Shangri-la's The Rose Veranda. Been wanting to try that place since some time ago. And so we did today. The weekday buffets are from 1130am to 6pm! WAH! You can just spend the WHOLE afternoon there for $38++. The buffet spread was not huge but the food made me very happy. I loved the salad and the smoked salmon. I had 2 rounds of it. The laksa was so-so. Oh boy the desserts were fantastic. The selection was not large but they tasted very good. I loved the cheesecake and the scones. Simply heavenly buttery scones with cream and jam. Very weird that I loved the scones sooo much cos scones are...so normal. HAHAHA! And the buffet has a selection of 102 teas that you can drink to your hearts content. I had 2 cups of coffee and 2 pots of tea. HAHAHAH. Caffeine high.

DIY salad with smoked salmon. Usually a plate like this at Coffee Club will cost me $14.

More salmon salad and some scallop and prawn salads and sandwiches. All very delish!

Some salmon sashimi and sushi. So-so only

Never do without my coffee

Strawberry tea. Quite nice

Laksa was normal only...no beansprouts! Minus points

Very nice tea pots and cups

Yummy desserts!

I LOVE MY MINI SCONE!

And finally the two taitai-wannabe. Hahaha.

After the food we went for mani-pedi session. Then we caught Bodyguards & Assassins (Shi Yue Wei Cheng) in the night. Good show though the front part was a tad slow for my liking. But generally very good. I think men will like the show hahaha.

On Friday my boss treated me and my colleague to buffet at St Regis, as a farewell lunch's for my colleague cum department Xmas celebration. That place is daaamn classy man! I am not used to being so classy. Must not disgrace myself hahahah! It was Seafood Fridays so the buffet was mainly seafood but OH SO EXPENSIVE! It costs $58++ for lunch!!! I was happy cos I love seafood. Well my boss wanted it for the free flow of house wine at additional $30. Stupid sucker getting drunk on a weekday afternoon! And later stupid drunk madman who tagged along when I did my shopping! That was horrible.

2009-12-20T00:09:00.005+08:00

Cars. Happy People. Sad People. Lights. Rain. Christmas. Jam. Dinner. Sneeze. Sore. Irritated. Cramps. Weekend. Silly. Voice. Mood. Tea. Tears. Love. Gaze. Smile. Irony. Hurt. Emo. Insensitivity. Silence. Pain. Stupid.

2009-12-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

Why are my tears falling uncontrollably all of a sudden?
Why do I feel so exhausted and drained of energy this very moment?
It even feels tiring to breathe...
I was so glad when Tuesday ended as that marked the start of my "break", s short breather for me in this long year of hard work. The last 2 weeks of December is always the best in the whole year. Next week I am working one day only. And the next week, 3 days. Yet at this very moment, I feel like collapsing.
What happened today? A long day of interviews...Seeing so many people is not fun. Asking the same questions to all the candidates and explaining to them about the company is not fun too. VERY TIRING MY GOD. Three months of recruitment, over 20 candidates and only 2 are good enough. MY GOD. Where are the decent people? (And I thought the job market is still a bit sluggish!) Are our expectations too high? I am no genius nor high achiever...why is it so difficult to find someone remotely comparable? Haaaa...

There are a few good people (yes only A FEW) who have helped me make life easier and kept my sanity thru the past year. If there is anything to miss about that place, it's the good people I have worked with. We look out for each other we supported each other we bitched about others together. Tomorrow one good person is leaving too. Plans to get together one last time for holiday feasting and bitching and chilling out may be ruined thanks to nasty doings of some bastards who have irritated me the whole damn year. SIGHHH. I was so looking forward to tomorrow... She's leaving faster than me... But seeing how difficult her departure is freaks me out. MINE WILL BE SO MUCH WORSE! HEEEELP!!! I don't know why...but seeing what happened today makes me wonder again, why are there such brainless retards around making such ridiculous demands? Well... why am I surprised? I know I shouldn't be having witnessed and experienced 4 years of "exceptional leadership". GAAAWD.

I feel so tired.

2009-12-06T18:08:00.002+08:00

15 days till I get my keys! Woooo~ Excited. I love December! My favourite month of the year. Though there are still craps at work that pisses me off every week, but I am in the heck-care holiday mood. Can't wait till 22 Dec where we go collect our keys, then perhaps spending Xmas and New Year there...though the house will be empty hahahah! Well there is stilll the aircon, water, gas and electricity so it'll still be livable ahhaha! Just buy some food and wine, bring the laptop there with some DVDs and TW dramas and we can rot there! TADAH! We are watching "Hi My Sweetheart" now. It's a damn stupid but damn hilarious drama.

2009-11-30T00:39:00.001+08:00

ANGMEIFEN IS SOOO SICK!!! It's almost December why is she still busy!!!

2009-11-23T10:26:00.004+08:00

WISHLIST:
- iPhone 3GS (32G)
- Toshiba/SONY/Fujitsu laptop (must have good graphics card)
- Sneakers, boots, footwear!
- Clothes!
- Chic Accessories
- Epilator
- SAMSUNG LED TV for my new house
- 2 months break
- Holiday! (in the works)
- MONEY MONEY MONEY!

2009-11-15T17:54:00.002+08:00

We went for our first appointment at HDB that day. It was all pretty smooth...so hopefully all the documents gets processed without hiccups and if nothing goes wrong, 22nd December we get our keys!!! Just before Christmas! Yaaaay! But of course we can't move in yet... I wonder what will be the state of the flat by then. EMPTY. HAHAHAHA. Renovations may only be able to start after Chinese New Year...(sad)..because Jan and Feb are peak periods. Nevermind, that Jelly can supervise the renovations during his reservist in Feb hahahaha! We are targeting the reno to complete by mid Mar...and then it's time to fly! Air Tickets booked! Studio booked! So exciting worz... But lotsa stuff to do from now till then. Many many things to plan and think about. Many many preparations to do. Jelly got a big deadline to meet! And I GAVE HIM THAT DEADLINE. HAHAHAH!

2009-11-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

The end of the year is coming again! YAAAY. December is my favourite month! OK still got a few shit weeks to go. ENDURE! Many things happening in the next few months. Gonna get our flat soon... Hopefully by end of the year. Then renovations...(OK that will be a headache!) Then it's time to think of when I should throw my resignation letter into the stupid people faces. End January or beginning of February so I can say byebye in March? Or a bit later? Whatever it is, I must get my ass out of there before mid year or the shit starts all over again! All will be revealed in the new year! And I got a secret! Something happening in 4 months time to look forward to! Lalalala... I thought we were quite crazy that day...I thought Jelly wouldn't agree to it...Haaah...Here we go again!

Meanwhile, let us get through these few sucky weeks. A little money dropping from the sky will be good too. The year end festivities and getting our flat will need some moolahs... Moolah come come! I want to buy so many things... New bag, new sneakers, new clothes, new laptop! I need MOOLAH!

2009-11-08T01:00:00.004+08:00

Why is my 5 day holiday ending SOOOO SOON! It's Sunday again tomorrow (actually today). My long-awaited break is coming to an end. I miss it already. It's back to shit on Monday and Tuesday. Stupid people and stupid work. Just disgusts me. Plus my stupid boss is on reservist till end of the month which means everyone will just come to me, assuming I know everything. Stay away from me! OK Thursday on leave again cos we are going for our first appointment at HDB! Wooo! Hope to get our flat before Christmas! Though it doesn't make much difference since we can't move in yet. Still quite exciting. The owners now look like nice educated civilised people. Hope they leave the flat in good state. I like my new place. I keep imagining it in my head. I like big toilet big masterbedroom big service area. Mr Jelly likes his balcony lah hahaha.

We went cycling on Thursday evening. Weeet! But it was raining on and off. Half cycled in the drizzle...From Macs all the way to the end at the Sailing Centre. Oh my ass still hurts now. Madness. But it was good...

I love waking up everyday at noontime.
I love waking up on days not having any plans and not knowing what I'll do that day.
I love waking up at noontime and strolling on the streets when everyone's rushing to places.
I love walking in malls on weekday afternoons where there are less people walking into my face.
I love eating brunches and high teas and buffets at my leisure.
I love sipping my cuppa while watching the world rush by.
I wish I could live everyday like this.

2009-11-03T23:17:00.002+08:00

So I can actually survive on a cup of coffee, half a teochew kueh and 2 bites of a bun from 9am to 8pm! Greatly deprived of glucose but definitely overdose of irritation from the stupid gay. Craziness.

2009-11-03T00:06:00.001+08:00

Some reasons will always be legitimate that allows one to be excused. While some reasons will always be dismissed as irrational thinking, over-imagination, over-reaction, oh whatever~

2009-11-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

AMF needs to to devoid of emotion. She can't show it. She can't show that she is stressed. She can't show she is worried. She can't show she is upset. She can't show she is unhappy. She can't affect the people around her or they will just get pissed off. She will have a straight face. She will say OK to everything and everyone. She will look fine. She will she will she will be what you want her to be.

2009-11-02T00:43:00.001+08:00

TWO DAYS. But I am feeling such a mess. *Breathe*

2009-10-29T23:57:00.005+08:00

Watched "My Sister's Keeper" with Regie today. Very nice but cry like mad also. Usually when I know beforehand it's a tearjerker, I end up not crying. (Yah I am weird) But I still teared and teared for this... I bet 90% of the audience cried! Sniffles heard everywhere. I didn't even finish eating my rice cos I started crying! What the... Storylines concerning families make me cry so much more easily than love tragedies and whatnots. Haha...

2009-10-29T00:46:00.003+08:00

Stoopid wisdom tooth. PAAA!!!N. Gum swollen. Rotting tooth. Causing headache. But scared to go dentist... Stiff neck. Throat pain. AARGHHH!

2009-10-25T02:16:00.004+08:00

AMF never thought it will happen to her cause she is always calm and cool. But now she feels like she is suffering from "pre-wedding blues" (and it's not even the real WEDDING yet). Worries. Panic attacks. What-ifs? Shits? Not happening the way I want it to be. Problems unsolved now become bigger problems in future. Is this the right way to go? AAARGH!!!

2009-10-22T01:22:00.002+08:00

1.23am. SERIOUSLY MAD, so mad I am mildly trembling. She keeps telling me to say it and don't hide it but I can't. She says I have a say. DO I? I did say and I got slapped in the face. It's looking like the start of a long bad nightmare. I keep getting such fears now. It is a problem that will lurk in every now and then. I can only keep it to a minimum by holding my peace forever.

2009-10-22T00:23:00.002+08:00

My idea was stolen. ANGRY.
When I wanted it, it was a NO for all the lame reasons.
Somebody comes along, it became a YES.
My ideal is not coming true. ANGRY
I can't even protest. ANGRIER!

2009-10-19T14:28:00.003+08:00

Two years ago, it was an experience I never had.
One year ago, it was greatly disappointing.
This year, I learn not to set any expectations.

2009-10-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

Especially dedicated to Reeegiiinaaa... HAHAHAHAHA!

2009-10-15T23:38:00.004+08:00

More hours sitting on your office chair than sleeping on your bed.
More SMSes to your boss than to your love ones.
More hours facing your colleagues than seeing your family.
More hours talking in useless meetings than talking to your family members.
More hours stuck in poorly ventilated air-conditioned rooms than being outdoors breathing in the fresh air.
More time spent on rushing from place to place than on having/enjoying proper meals.

WHATTHEFUCKISWRONGWITHTHISWORLD?

2009-10-15T22:56:00.011+08:00

At least one more month of shit to go... Just doing doing doing like a robot everyday. I just want to clear clear the work, keeping myself busy and maybe poof, December is here!

So exhausted physically and mentally...and sometimes emotionally. Can't wait to get over this current period. But wonders, will it be better next year?

So many "what ifs" running through my head. So many worries so many uncertainties. I may be whining about the current situation but who can guarantee that the road ahead will be better? What if it gets worse. What if I can't find a job after 3 months? What if my new job sucks? What if your new job sucks? What if it's more work, more shit, more OT than now? What if I dislike my "new life"? (will I?)

陈奕迅 - 多少

我用尽所有方式找个人给我安慰
渡过寂寞的黑夜
我问守护的天使也许她能够体会
这无助让我好累
走到无路可退我还能相信谁

用多少天用多少年的跌跌撞撞才找到终点
用多少伤痛的心爱才不离开身边
用多少谎言去掩饰彼此的不完美
要用多少个世纪让我看透一切

我走在这个城市熟悉又陌生的脸
有谁能给我安慰
我没有任何防备没方向到处地追
没翅膀却好想飞
我努力顺风跟随
黑或白找不到个绝对全都是灰

2009-10-12T00:56:00.002+08:00

Give me the courage to get over all this crap, for all this shit to be over. I must do it. Dec will be here soon. Then 2010. When we get our home and I can finally throw the letter in their faces. Look forward to 24 days later first...from then on it's a new chapter.

2009-10-09T00:30:00.003+08:00

Why do I like to play Bejewelled Blitz? Cos it occupies my mind, I just know I have to clear the jewels. Jewels are harmless and beautiful and the explosions make me so high. For that minute, it takes my mind off hating people, irritating work that never ends & worrying about this that they you. Before I sleep, I think of what things I need to do in the morning or what things I haven't done. When I wake up in the morning, I think of what tasks I must accomplish that day what deadlines I have to meet what meetings I have to go what horrible people I have to entertain. My mind is so suffocated I think I am breaking down. My tears just roll down without warning like nobody's business nowadays.

2009-10-04T02:44:00.002+08:00

Crying much too easily of late. Too emotional. Always moody always depressed. Afraid. VERY afraid. Super stressed. Drowning in work, nowhere to hide. Pissed so easily. Questions and questions... Thinking too much? Scaring myself? Will there be answers? Will they be true? Will there be smiles again?

2009-10-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

I HAVE A ZILLION THINGS TO DO I CAN'T EVEN COMPLETE AND A ZILLION OTHER LAST MINUTE THINGS JUST COMES ALONG. BLOODY FUCKERS JUST TALK AND WE DO. EVERYTHING IS URGENT. EVERYTHING COME TO US. EVERYTHING IS SO TEDIOUS. EVERYTHING MOVING SO SLOWLY. I CAN'T CLEAR MY WORK. I CAN'T SCREAM AT PEOPLE. I CAN ONLY ACCEPT AND DO DO DO. I CAN'T RUN I CAN'T HIDE. IT'S SO SUFFOCATING. I CAN'T STOP CRYING AND CRYING AND CRYING.

2009-09-22T00:11:00.002+08:00

AMF is so depressed her weekend's ended.
AMF is so sick of working.
AMF hates doing those idiotic stuff her MD is making her do.
AMF wishes she could just tender her resignation tomorrow.
AMF doesn't have that luxury, sad to say.
AMF can't wait to get her flat so she can bloody quit the stupid place.
AMF envies Siew who can go on a 2 months break, to Japan somemore!
AMF needs to go on a long long rest.
AMF is really tired after 3.5 years...

2009-09-17T01:08:00.002+08:00

Next time it will just be me in the flat and me in the flat and only me in the flat. Why does my future look so sad?

2009-09-15T00:30:00.003+08:00

MOOOODY lah! The thought of work makes me sick. I wish I could quit now. The thought of your work makes me sicker. I wish all the bastards would rot in hell. Everyday is dreary. Everyday is depressing. I can't go on like this much longer. I will start doing silly things. I find no comfort. Need THERAPY but can't afford any. WHY AM I SO MISERABLE!?

2009-09-13T01:34:00.002+08:00

Sick of the current states of our lives now. Working so hard for so little. Working so hard for dumb undeserving people. Working till we are so numbed and tired. I wish the year end would faster come so my busy period will pass and also, we can faster get our flat. Quite excited about getting my own place hahaha. (But that means I am totally on my own then.) Hmmm... Sick of the jobs we are in now, yet I am apprehensive about what we are landing ourselves into. What if it's worse than now?! (NOOOO! How will I survive if it's WORSE? I will cry I will pull my hair out I will go crazy) Can't help being afraid. It's totally new to me... New home, new job, new life... AAHHHH scary leh. Please please let all these decisions I have made be good...

2009-09-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

Why do we have to work so hard for such peanuts pay!!! ANGRY!!! Why do we have to work so hard for stupid people!!! ANGRY!!! Why do we have to face irritating morons everyday!!! ANGRY!!!

2009-08-30T01:52:00.003+08:00

There were 5 triggers of unhappiness today (yesterday). So many that it scared me. I wondered WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG! Though the day ended still quite OK but makes me think...will it get worse in future?

Tempers getting shorter. Patience getting shorter. Disagreements increasing. Irritability getting higher. I am afraid...

2009-08-25T22:17:00.003+08:00

Maybe it was a stroke of luck. I just thought I'll check the website again and was literally jumping to find the date that we wanted (that was previously full) to be available! So I freaked out and registered immediately. Only one timing left but who cares! GRAB IT! I must give myself a pat on the back for saving myself from the mad dog rush. I was freaking out from the mad rush I had to face to plan the event in less than 8 weeks. But yaaay! NO more. I was literally tearing my hair out imagining having to get everything done within 2 months, especially impossible during this time of the year when I can hardly breathe at work now. SO stressed my mind was running while in bed last night. Then later we got informed that the 1st appointment is only in mid Nov...(!!!)...OK so it's not that rush. But nevermind, I can settle the flat for now then at least slowly plan for the rest to be next year.

I hated the idea of signing the papers in that dingy room. SO UNROMANTIC. But now I don't really care. My head is so so big it's exploding. But which girl doesn't have romantic dreams about her big day...I am also a girl (albeit a cu lu one)... But sad, reality is never as beautiful as I dream. No romance no sweetness. AARGH! The notion of marriage and wedding now feels like a sham.

My workload is skyhigh now and my stupid Boss just keeps agreeing to do this and that. EVERY bloody department comes to me now to do marketing for them. I am designer, editor, printer, copywriter, delivery woman, photographer, SUPERWOMAN. I AM NO SUPERWOMAN! I am so tired lor. A HUGE STONE weighing on my shoulders. I'm just waiting to see when I'll breakdown.

AMF is currently madly loving Khalil Fong's cover of "Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You" from his TIMELESS album

2009-08-23T18:19:00.000+08:00

682B, 7th floor, 8th unit, Aug 22, 七月初三, all good numbers all good signs, an indescribable attraction, a decision made. I choose to believe it will all be good. HAHA.

2009-08-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

It's Thursday night at 10pm with nobody home and nobody online. SO BORING. Feels weird...

2009-08-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

It's 12.40am on Sunday morning = DEPRESSION. Well Monday is around the corner so not very happy about it (especially when Mondays now are a zillion times worse with that dreadful morning meeting). At home rather early on a "Saturday night"...a lil' surprising...sigh...oh well no choice... Been flat hunting for a while...saw some units and overall quite a fun experience. Go see other people's house and think about all the factors to consider...but it didn't sink into me until just now that this could be it. (I didn't think we would find a suitable place so FAST. And I am not a person to make such fast decisions. Oh if I had a few hundred thousands to spare then maybe).

Today I almost "signed my Life away". It dawned on me at that moment that THIS IS IT!? OMG. One of the biggest decisions of my Life! It dawned on me that I will be making a lifetime (financial) commitment from that moment on. It dawned on me that I can no longer hide under my parents' wings anymore... Is it a good choice? Is it a right choice to buy now? I was so stressed making that decision... But everyone will have to go to that stage in Life... It's not a matter of buying it now or later, it's not a matter of buying that flat or another flat...It's just a matter of time that I buy my own flat. It made me realise that having come so far, it's time to take a step into the next stage in life, having my own place means I pay for everything now - loans, bills, food, everything! Staying with daddy and mummy is so much easier! But sooner or later, we will have to "grow up" and live our own lives, to make such major decisions... There is no really right or wrong. It's learning to deal with the decisions we make. After a loooong thought process and considering all factors, we finally decided to go ahead. But...someone else was faster than us, they took out the cheque (like it was paying $2 only) and signed the document and the deal was sealed. OKAAAAY...so much for the ordeal. HAAAAHAAA...

2009-08-13T23:57:00.001+08:00

AMF is working so hard she 's never been this hardworking her whole life! She working at work and NOT playing Facebook. She's working at home at night. SHe's amazed at her productivity, how much work she's done in the last 3 weeks. Most of the time she is very tired, but these 2 days she's on a crazy high...Her mind is just running and running. Her mind is sooo busy she can't sleep much. It's working and working and working. She dreams about work...(WTF)... GIVE HER A BREAK!!!!! BEFORE SHE GOES INSANE (she can feel it already..)

Who's not tired and sick of work now? Nobody it seems. Everyone around me is complaining. Is this year especially bad? What's wrong?!